Unfortunately, after reading it, I browsed the home page and came across possibly the worst fanfiction I've ever encountered. I'm in physical pain. It had "PadZie" in the title. It's serious My Immortal status. I'm gonna go listen to Airborne Toxic Event, eat some chocolate tart, and write. Like a boss. Phew. Therapy.
Thank you all of you for being so sweet about the update =)
Cheers,
Jules
P.S.
He stole a glance at Lily again, who met his hazel eyes with her own teary green ones, and he grinned at the sight of her. She made a face—probably thinking he was mocking her for her sentimentality—because, of course, she had no idea how she looked.
I love Kiss and Tell too! I basically just read it and LAT.
ReplyDeleteAlso, VERY adorable bit there from james.
I'm dying of happiness for that tid-bit. seriously. I'm reading everything you write.
ReplyDeleteAAKSDJKSJDKSJADKLSJD THAT EXCERPT. I have died.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I clicked on the "My Immortal" link because I had no idea what it was.
ReplyDelete"Written by super-tard Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal was originally posted to FanFiction.Net sometime in 2006, but was subsequently deleted by the FF.Net staff after causing a severe drop in the site's collective IQ."
LOL. My ghost is posting this.
Girl, its SO fucking good. The story plus the encyclopedia dramatica article plus the comic is just total epicness. You will never stop laughing. there are also many brilliant dramatic readings on youtube.
ReplyDeleteI didn't believe you, so I YouTubed it.
ReplyDeleteJESUS TAKE THE FUCKING WHEEL.
I would never lie about such a thing. it is real.
ReplyDeleteIT IS VERY REAL.
I almost threw up a little when I started reading it. But then I realized that it is absolutely the funniest thing I have read in YEARS.
ReplyDeleteAlso, that excerpt is TO DIE FOR. I can literally feel it clearing al dat stuf frum mi brane,
Like, for real. Haha. Funniest thing EVER. Thank you for that link. I love you for that. XD
Hey, anyone want to recommend some stories I can read while waiting for TLAT and Commentarius to update?? :) :) Preferably ones that are completed, but I'll take anything!
ReplyDeleteOH GOD. I have never laughed so hard in my life.
ReplyDeleteIt's like crack.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous @9:44 READ MY STORY.
ReplyDeleteShameless plug.
But there's only one chapter in the new version right now, because the old version was horrid and I've decided to fix it. (: (Of Raindrops, Flowers, & Wishing Wells)
Also, anything by opalish. :D
"Good Charlotte is having a concert in Hogsmeade."
ReplyDeleteGOOD CHARLOTTE IS HAVING A CONCERT IN HOGSMEADE.
Oh, my God.
Shit, you guys. I have to know MORE. I'm never going to bed.
I'm at the same spot!!
ReplyDeletehttp://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/b/bb/Dumbledoreinmyimmortal.jpg
ReplyDeleteThis guy's reading has is killing me like I'm the spare: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8U382woUlU
ReplyDelete"Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."
ReplyDeleteI died laughing.
Clicked on "My Immortal" link. That's some seriously funny shit. The encyclopedia is very detailed - I love it.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love Kiss and Tell. It's so short but SO GOOD. And I haven't reviewed yet. I'm such a slacker.
Love the excerpt!
Just tell me when you get to Vampire. Vampire makes my fucking life. or B'Loody Mary. Oh, God, I'm dying.
ReplyDelete"He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko."
ReplyDeleteJules, you have made my life better.
OMG! I just got to the part with that Dumbledore pic you posted.
ReplyDeleteThese are tears.
So I think I need to write a story where Harry legally changes his name to Vampire.
ReplyDelete“Ebony.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Potter!”
ReplyDeleteHaha, you mean Evony or Enoby. XD
ReplyDeleteor Eboby
ReplyDelete"My friend B’loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )"
ReplyDeleteStop making me laugh...I'm pissing!
That is the only thing that accurately describes this.
^ Oh, GOD.
ReplyDeleteDead. I shall continue reading from beyond the grave.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.”
ReplyDelete"You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not." But that part is only funny when you move your mouse over it on the site. XD
Jules, you are my hero for linking this.
Anything to help make a less productive world.
ReplyDeleteChapter 11 owns my soul, incidentally.
“Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he [Draco] shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!” (c is dat out of character?)
ReplyDeleteThe OOC line killed me. I'm with Bree now.
"Thou must!If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco."
ReplyDelete:'D
DIABOLO.
ReplyDeleteMy life: what is it?
http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/102705095/12086295
ReplyDeleteVideo tape? At Hogwarts?
ReplyDeleteMastication--hahahahahaha.
“Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke."
"Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent."
I can't breathe. This is GOLDEN.
no.
ReplyDeleteNo.
NO.
"There must be other factors."
"YOU DONT HAVE ANY!!"
Is that supposed to make sense? Haha.
ReplyDeleteTriumelephantly.
ReplyDeleteHAIRgrid
ReplyDelete“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Professor McGoggle
ReplyDeletelolololol my new catchphrase
Win and win and win.
ReplyDelete"And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black."
ReplyDeleteDamn it! Why couldn't have you posted this thing tomorrow? I'm so busy I don't have time to join in the fun. *shakes fist* Curse you, Jules!
ReplyDeleteNo, THIS is the greatest line yet:
ReplyDelete“U c, Enobby,” Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”
"We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas."
ReplyDelete... my brain just died.
I'm having a hard time typing words correctly. This is legitimately taking unnecessary effort.
ReplyDelete(if ur a homophone den fuk of!)
ReplyDeleteI can't go on. I need a break! I need AIR.
ReplyDeleteSt. Mango’s.
ReplyDelete@Jules - Hahahaha.
ReplyDelete@Bree - Agreed. I am going to have to pick this up tomorrow. Well, later today for me. I need to go wash out my brain. Like, with a powerwasher.
you mundane dunces/prepz/horny simpletons.
ReplyDeleteOkay, just one more:
ReplyDelete"Vampire started crying. “My Draco!” he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)"
BEDTIME. And thank you Jules, I am definitely finishing that epic story tomorrow. You just made my entire week.
Kayla- Haha! I'm going to have to read a dictionary to make up for this.
ReplyDelete“Allah Kedavra!”
ReplyDeleteI. Can't. Stop.
Bree--that is a really good idea. Or like, Grey's Anatomy.
ReplyDeleteKayla, look away! Go to bed!
ReplyDelete“Rid my sight you despicable preps!” he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)"
ReplyDeleteBut. It's. So. Addicting. O_O
can i just say that vampire is a really deep and conflicted character? he is in love with both members of the draco/ebony ship. That has got to be rough.
ReplyDelete"Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything."
ReplyDeleteOkay, this is getting ridiculous. I need to stop now.
But you can't. You never will.
ReplyDeleteYou can't go home again, Kayla
Poor Vampire
ReplyDeleteI can't. Jules, you have ruined me. But it's okay, because I haven't laughed this hard since.... I don't even know. This is hilarious.
ReplyDelete"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory enoby isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away."
^THAT
ReplyDelete"Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class."
ReplyDeleteI don't think this chick ever even touched a Harry Potter book. Ever.
^^^ LMFAO.
ReplyDelete"Then…… he started coming!"
ReplyDeleteI CAN'T. I FUCKING CANNOT.
A harry potter book? Try any book in the English language...
ReplyDelete^HAHAHAHAHA
ReplyDelete"then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story."
What the hell.
Ohmygod. I think Sirius might be the greatest canon rape of all. She at one point legitimately just calls him "Sodomize."
ReplyDeletehahahahaha. :'D
ReplyDeleteI just busted out laughing super loud and everyone in the house is asleep.
"It was.,……………………….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!"
Also:
ReplyDelete“BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math.” (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)"
Sirius is in this?!
ReplyDeleteLook at you life, Tara Gilesbie. Look at your choices.
"We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie."
ReplyDeleteI totally wish I could do that.
"I was flattened cause that’s not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!"
ReplyDeleteI was also flattened by this, Ebony.
“Hey BTW my name’s ebondy dark’ness dementia TARA way what’s yours?”
ReplyDelete"Tom Rid."
^ I was JUST going to post that quote.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha. Great minds, you know.
ReplyDeleteExcept I don't really think I have a mind anymore.
“In Hot Topic, right?” I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde
ReplyDeleteBTW, you can call me Albert.
ReplyDeleteAhaha.
ReplyDeleteSo, I'm deleting all of the Good Charlotte stuff off of my iTunes. Haha.
I wish I could say I wanted to delete all my MCR...
ReplyDeleteIt just feels...tainted somehow. Haha. I'm pretty sure it will never sound the same again.
ReplyDelete"Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires."
Neville??
"Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…………………………………DUMBLYDORE!"
^^Day. Made.
Also, ALL of Chapter 18.
This is unhealthy.
Snape. Loopin. Dobby. Chapter 20. That is all.
ReplyDeleteI had to stop. I already sacrificed enough IQ points for the day!
ReplyDeleteYa, I'm pretty sure its worse for brain cells than weed...
ReplyDeleteGuys, I'm starting a band called Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. Just so you know.
ReplyDeleteLOL Kayla!
ReplyDeleteThis person had to be trolling, though. This couldn't be meant to be taken seriously...
"They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it."
ReplyDeleteYes, because that is obviously the most effective way to use a wand.
“U wanna cum with me?" <<HAHA.
Okay. I am seriously done now. My brain can't handle any more of this in one night.
I'm starting an obscure indie-rock band called "There Must Be Other Factors."
ReplyDeleteFirst album: "VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD."
I like to believe that this is not a parody, and that there actually is someone that stupid out there, but, IDK, maybe I'm just a romantic.
That being said, there are Tom Bombadil and a Buffy references.... which support the trolling theory.
I don't know. There are some pretty stupid people out there. I'm pretty sure this is just someone's sick fantasy that they decided to share with the world.
ReplyDeleteI mean, there are some things that are just so deliberately bad, particularly the spelling. It HAD to be a troll.
ReplyDelete“EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow."
ReplyDeleteOKAY. I'm done now, for real. It is two in the morning here and I HAVE TO STOP. I'm going to bed now, siriusly (geddit? geddit? coz... yeah, too much).
ANYWAY. I will finish this glorious piece of art later. Thanks for sharing. XD
LOL. Good night, Kayla.
ReplyDeleteAnd Jules (if you're still awake): "Prongsie and PadZie"". Is that the awful fic you found today?
Okay, you guys, on a serious note:
ReplyDeleteMy best friend just texted me this:
"You need to search spokeo.com for your name (or your parents' and family's). This is a central site that gathers every bit of information about you. If your name is listed, you can remove it! Just:
1) Copy the URL
2) Click 'privacy' at the bottom
3) paste the URL in the removal request form
4) enter your email to receive confirmation
Tell your friends and family!"
At first I thought she was trying to scare me. But then I went on the site and typed my email address and I found a bunch of creepy shit. It had my pictures, my first name, my social networks, my Pandora radio stations (wtf?), blog entries, etc. Then I searched for my friends and it had their full names and much more info for some of them.
Creepy shit.
Hi Jules! :) I'm just curious... how did Carlotta lose her virginity? Will we ever meet the character she lost it to? I was rereading TLAT and it just struck me, now I can't stop thinking about her background story.
ReplyDelete@Bree-- so, I checked that for all of my e-mails, and the only information they had was the fake age I gave to myspace a hundred years ago. That was not only a relief, but it reminded me to attempt once again to delete that myspace account, and it may have actually let me do it this time! Fucking myspace.
ReplyDeleteBut that is super creepy. SIGH. The internets =(
Awww I just tunrned to mush.
ReplyDeleteUnderbabe
Aaaaaaaaahh Myspace gives out post code!! What the hell :O
ReplyDeleteGonna be deleting that reaal quick..
Underbabe
Also @Bree--yes that is the fanfic in question.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous 1:22--How did Carlotta lose her virginity? The usual method, I imagine.
I kid. Good question.... I'll get back to you on that.
^hahaha, good one Jules.
ReplyDeleteAnd since everyone here is being so cool about the update - telling you to take your time and all (thugh I have to say, mentioning My Immortal was a pretty smart move to distract them *bows*), I'm just gonna say this:
please, please, PLEASE update soon, because I'm going mental here.
-Jo
PS the excerpt is lovely, as usual, though it just makes me more excited for the whole chapter and I simply can't wait and... ughh!! you all know what I mean.
What creeps me out is that they can show you more information if you pay. And my friend says there's more sites that do that. Le sigh.
ReplyDeleteRegarding the fic, I only asked because I was curious about what could possibly equal My Immortal.
Of course, it doesn't REALLY equal My Immortal, in that it is marginally more logical/grammatical, but it really, really sucks.
ReplyDeleteLOL. At least it only has 4 reviews. Sometimes I click on fics that have many reviews thinking they must be decent. Sadly, that is not always the case.
ReplyDelete@Bree--Thanks for that link...they had a TON of stuff on me.
ReplyDeleteAlso, after I said I was going to bed last night, I ended up having to rinse out my mind with Jane Austen for about an hour before it was even capable of functioning enough to get me to change to find my bed.
I kid you not.
But now, I'm going to finish My Immortal simply because I need the laughs. XD
Update soon Jules! I might need LaT to rinse my brain this time! :D
Bree, is spokeo a site exclusive to US citizens? If it is, then I don't have to worry as I live in France now...
ReplyDelete^
ReplyDeleteNo. Trust me it's not.
My Immortal is fantastic and beautiful and wonderful in every single way.
ReplyDeleteStop me, this is getting out of hand.
ReplyDelete"I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!"
But that is the best thing ever.
Um... does anyone know how many reviews this story got? I remember it was something ridiculous... but I feel disinclined to believe it was 10000 like she claims in the AN for chapter 23....
ReplyDeleteYou just made my life complete! Thank so much! I am crying, this girl.. oh man. When Dumbledore randomly walks into the forest yelling:
ReplyDeleteWHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!
..honestly, I don't think this girl ever picked up a Harry Potter book :-))
Aw, man. I can't stop now. TOO FUNNY!
So guys, u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think im addicted to Voldemortserum.
Best. Story. Ever.
“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted “Imperius!” and I couldn’t run away.
ReplyDelete“Crookshanks!” I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.
BUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
Hahahaha. I loved that. But my favorite use of magic would have to be when she throws her wand at Snape so that he trips over it.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I haven't laughed like this since AVPM. But they at least were trying to be funny.
ReplyDeleteI want to meet this girl and "stab her wid a steak" ;-))
I love the line:
"you may think I'm a slut, but I'm really not."
And I just got to the part:
I JUST GOT TO THIS PART. So freaking hilarious:
Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.
“EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.
“Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke.
HAHAHA. LOVED THAT.
ReplyDeleteI swear, this has absolutely made yesterday and today AMAZING. The author's notes are just as good as the story.
"I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!"
ReplyDeleteOMG LOL. Oh, Kayla, you have killed me.
Hahahaha. Bree! Have you read the whole thing? It just gets better and better!
ReplyDeleteAlso: "I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer."
Yum.
No, I haven't. I seriously felt stupider reading it, it wasn't a good feeling. So instead, I went and read "Kiss and Tell" and I am in this blissful, happy mood after catching up. I'm going to wait a few hours before I can return to the pure, unbridled lulz of My Immortal.
ReplyDeleteHahaha. Probably a good decision. Like I said, I had to read a LOT of Emma before I felt halfway intelligent again.
ReplyDelete“OMG fangz!” I said hugging him in a gothic way. << Contradictory? Nahh.
Also, Professor Slutborn. LOLOL.
“Oh hi you guys.” I said seductively. “Wheres Satan?”
“Oh he’s cumming.”
"der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said ‘1980.’"
ReplyDeleteHahahahahaha. ^^LOVE
ReplyDelete“I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod.”
I don't think that's possible.
"They were going to St. Mango’s after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can’t have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz."
ReplyDeleteTruer words were never spoken.
"I took Satan’s gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar sexily from his poket"
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure Nightmare Before Christmas is a cartoon musical. For 10 year olds.
OMG lik sriously thnk u Jules four poasting dat link!!! :)
ReplyDeleteMy favorite bits/reactions to the first eleven chapters:
“My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends.”<--well, I’m jealous
“Hi.” I replied flirtily. First, not a word (not that that means much in this fic), second, er, how would that go, exactly?
“I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding.”
“the license plate said 666” what a badass
“Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.” Well, clearly.
“You ludacris fools!” You tell them, Dumbledore. Also, I’m totally saying this now. That, or maybe “you mediocre dunces”
Tears of blood….what?
“Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed.
“Really?” he whimpered.
“Yeah.” I roared.” LAUGHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW!!!!
“I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).” You’re so right, Tara. Well said.
“He put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX.” LOL dying right now……
“where I had lost my virility to Draco” man, I hate when that happens
“AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok….” Oh honey, no, no it isn’t…..
Crookshanks = crucio?
“and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.” Now, those are some mad multitasking skills….
“Ron (although we call him Diabolo now)” HAHAHA
“the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak” Who knew?
“I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off…” WHAT???
“There must be other factors.” OH MY GOD TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE!!!!
Triumelephantly…..so, is that like a triumphant elephant?
So, there's also the comics of My Immortal. DrunkDuck is my fav, bc of the interpretation of Voldemort's dud-ur-so-retarded face and Hagrid's "In Da Club" but there's one on deviant art who claims to actually know Tara Gilespie.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.drunkduck.com/My_Immortal/index.php?p=605205
Ugh, can't find the other one now.
Hahahahaha. RELIVING IT NOW. I'm almost done. This is brilliant.
ReplyDelete“I’m a vampire.” I said as we went into the car.
“Siriusly?” he gasped.
“Yah siriusly.” << I love how she gets it right the ONE time it's not in reference to Sirius (excuse me, I mean Serious or Hades. NEVER Sirius).
if I ever write a sex scene for James (Samaro) and Carlotta, it will go something like this:
ReplyDelete"My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven’t herd of it den FUK U!111) . I put on some blak platform high heelz. Darko put on ‘desolition liverz’ by MCR. Den…………………………………………. we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. [Jules note: wait.... didn't they JUST put on clothes?] I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz [he still has a six-pack from the last time they mentioned it]. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. [What?] I gut an orgy. [Wh... never mind.]
"Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111” I screemed passively as he got an eructation. [Understanding of Sex!Fail]
“I luv u TaEbory.” he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol. [Understanding of lol!fail]
I think you should put that in an A/N and title it "What Really Happened."
ReplyDeleteI would love you forever.
“There must be other factors” <--- Favorite line of all time.
ReplyDeleteI want to take the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. Sound like a useful class.
ReplyDeleteOMFG. I'M CRYING.
ReplyDelete"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!"
ReplyDeleteOr Biology or Math. Both totally useful to Muggles (and Vampires apparently).
ReplyDeleteIn other news...."HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I "
ReplyDelete"“There must be other factors” <--- Favorite line of all time."
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha. YES. There are no words to describe this.
“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” OH MY GOD SO MANY LINES I WANT TO USE!!!
ReplyDelete"My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy."
ReplyDelete(geddit? Coz she's gofik?) No.
"Factors" is also my favorite line. "YOU DONT HAVE ANY!!!" << WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?!?!??!!
ReplyDeleteI also love that she accuses everyone of being a "homophone" for not lusting after gay men, but continually uses every single derogatory term imaginable for homosexuals, is obviously repulsed by the idea of lesbianism, and on finding out that Darko had been with Vampire, assumes that he had AIDs.
Or maybe she thought he got AIDs from the tattoo needle?
Seriously, the quotable material is endless.
ReplyDelete"WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD." I have ben (accidentally typed this, but I'm leaving it in honor of Tara) forewarned....
ReplyDelete"No." he muttered loudly.
ReplyDeleteWhich is why I think it had to be a troll. No one can be that fucking stupid...right?
ReplyDeleteohmygodiforgot.
ReplyDeleteI MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENTS... BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!
"It turned out that Voldemort wasn’t there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was." Yeah, I hate him.
ReplyDeleteJules--HAHAHAHAHA.
ReplyDelete"And den……………………………I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11"
So the defition of Mary-Sue should just say "Ebony Ray Dementia Alzheimer's Tara Bloodymarry Way whoever the hell she is."
"'No.' he muttered loudly."
ReplyDeleteLMAO. That HAD to be intentional. Come on...
Definition*
ReplyDeleteIt's getting to me. O_O
"Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?"
ReplyDeleteEbony Ray Dementia Alzheimer's Tara Bloodymarry Way
ReplyDeleteDEMENTIA ALZHEIMER'S
LOL. YOU GUYS.
I have always believed it to be a troll, too, but subconsciously, while reading, I assume that it is sincere. Which is odd. But, then there's this...
ReplyDeletehttp://myimmortal.smackjeeves.com/info/
"I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar." Ah yes, I remember learning this in biology...
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's all a lie though. I never know who to believe...
ReplyDelete"I toook out a cigarette end started to smoke pot."
ReplyDelete""What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don’t like to talk a bout you-know-what." just....what?
ReplyDelete“We won’t do that again.” Draco promised. “This time, we’re going with an ESCORT.”
ReplyDelete“OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?” I asked. “So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?”
“NO.” he muttered loudly.
“R u becoming a prep or what?” I shootd angrily.
“Enoby! I’m not! Pls come with me!” He fell down to his knees and started singing ‘Da world is black’ by GC to me.
I was flattened cause that’s not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!
“OK then I guess I will have to.” I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room."
We don't know what because THEY NEVER TALK ABOUT IT!
ReplyDeletePARADOX!
Well, if I ever wrote something that bad (which, dear GOD, I hope I haven't) and meant it to be sincere, I would just lie and tell everyone I was trolling.
ReplyDelete^^LIKE
ReplyDelete"(an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)" NO! NOT A FALLING OUT WITH RAVEN!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, goodness. Could you perhaps tell me when we will have an update please????
ReplyDelete"B’loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly." That...no.
ReplyDelete"“Hu told u abut them” I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don’t even SAY that nam to me!). Or me." Because she might have forgotten if it was her.
ReplyDeletePoor anonymous. By.... Monday?
ReplyDeleteAlso,
'“What’s wrong honey?” asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw.' SIGH.... why are all the good ones taken?
“Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11” I yielded.
ReplyDelete“Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11” he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective.
“Volxemort? OMFG what’s wrong!111” I asked.
Hmm. There's character consistency for you.
"FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF!"
ReplyDelete"I gasped. He had two arms!"
ReplyDeleteNo. Fucking. Way.
"She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything." Man, I'm jealous. My bobs are really small.
ReplyDelete"B’loody Mart" I'm opening a store called that.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I'm imagining "What is it you desire you ridiculous dimwit?" in Alan Rickman's voice and it SLAYS me
ReplyDeleteDamn, the Death Deelers keep ruining all the concerts.
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahaha.
ReplyDelete"Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz."
Somehow I imagine the baggy jeans to get in the way... But you know, some people will do anything...
Death Deelers. Awesome fucking band, that.
ReplyDelete“You fucking bustard!” yelled Draco at Vampire. “I want to shit next to her!1”
@ Jules--YES. OMG him narrating this story....Epic win.
ReplyDeleteLOL Jules, there was this guy in one of the dramatic readings who said just like Alan.
ReplyDelete"Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake’s."
ReplyDeleteSo she obviously paid no attention in Biology.
"Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys."
ReplyDeletepastors of poser bands....LOL
"Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads." disfusted--I think we need to make a new dictionary, comprised solely of all her made-up words
ReplyDeleteKelsey--It would totally sell.
ReplyDelete"I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty"
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, about 30 percent of the time, there would be no available definition
ReplyDelete"a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik)" No, I hardly "ged" anything you say, Tara....
ReplyDeletehttp://thatguywiththeglasses.com/bt/the-sage/fanfic-theatre/15170-ep012a
ReplyDeleteI can't STOP LAUGHING!
Hahaha. The definition would just be "FUK oF U PREPZZ. I BAT U DOT EVEN NO WUT DIS MEENZZ!! FUK U!!111111"
ReplyDelete"I guessed dat when I had slit mi wrists I had went bak in tim instead of dieing."
Mmm, yes, happens to me all the time.
"I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces" Laughing so hard I can hardly type this!
ReplyDeletecharlieschulz- LOL
ReplyDelete"That's right. It takes the universe ending to make me feel good about the universe ending."
ReplyDelete"sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again." Not very sacred....
ReplyDelete"That's right. It takes the universe ending to make me feel good about the universe ending."
ReplyDeleteI sympathize.
This is definitely trollin'. I've always known it. There is not doubt. At the age of ten I could have written much, much better than this, And even if she is dislexic, it doesn't excuse the complete idiocy.
ReplyDeleteI think 'Tara' is actually a rather clever, dedicated girl, who did this all for a laugh.
Loopin --> Lumpkin = LOL
ReplyDeletedogfather...haha
ReplyDelete..Hair of Magical Magic Creatures?
ReplyDeleteWow. Just wow.
dogfather.
ReplyDeleteHahaha. Jesus, take the wheel.
"“Draco are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice."
ReplyDelete"He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way."
Her adverbs/adjectives are priceless.
"Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke." Bet Harry wishes he'd had one of those instead.
ReplyDelete“Dis is…Hedwig!!!!!!!!!11” Sed Volximort. “He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm.
ReplyDelete"“EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. “Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked. Filth nodded. And then……………………….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as…………………….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1
ReplyDelete“WHAT DA-” he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.
“Draco!” I cried. “R u okay?”
“I guess though.” Draco weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1"
Just....this
"I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas." Interesting
ReplyDelete"He was humming Welcum 2 da Blak Prade under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!!)"
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I love how NOTHING in the HP-verse is set in the 80s, yet she continues to ask readers to pretend that her favorite bands existed in the 80s.
"Standing in front of me where………………. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow!
ReplyDeleteI opened my crimson eyes." Then how did she know they were all standing there?
"ripped so it showed of all her clearage"
ReplyDelete