And music

Lol, my playlist for this chapter cracks me up. It's divided very clearly into two parts: sad and happy.

"Come Around" by Rosi Golan

"Honest" by Band of Skulls

"Helplessness Blues" by Fleet Foxes.

And then the fun music.

"Keaseby Nights" by Catch 22

"Kick Some Ass" by Stroke 9 

(lol, I have no excuse for this song. I don't even have words for this song. It's just pure lol for me)

"A Good Idea at the Time" by OK Go

The following is a rant

about how much I fucking hate everything right now.

So, I don't like this chapter at all. It just doesn't suit me the way I want it to, and part of that is because I'm transitioning back to /everyday/ life, which has a different feel than /summer/ life, but part of it is that I just don't like it. So, I uploaded and started editing. This occurred around midnight. It took me about an hour and a half to get all the way through, and I made a lot of really big changes that improved the chapter enough that I didn't hate it.

And then fucking fanfiction.net screws me over and doesn't load the page when I save it, so all of my editing is lost.
It's 1:30 at this point.
So, fun, fun fun, I get to go back, try and redo everything I've already done, and, try and do it in some kind of timely manner. I KNOW I didn't fix everything that I wanted to... I didn't make all of the changes or adds that I wanted to, but, frankly, I have no idea where I would go to do that. But, I owe you guys a chapter, so here's my shitty fucked up Chapter 31.

Aaand I work in four and a half hours.

And I'm being a total bitch right now, for which I feel awful. Like, if Jules were the Doctor, Jules right now would be the sixth Doctor... basically just a total asshole. Usually I'm kind of 4/5/10-ish (curmudgeony and melancholy but ultimately awesome), but right now, I'm just being Fucking Six. And that's awful. My apologies.

Jules at the moment.

But, you guys are all just making me gushy and melty and non-raging-monsterish. And even though tomorrow you'll probably be running me out of town on a rail--which doesn't make sense because we live in different towns--at the moment your appreciation is just the sweetest thing in the world. 

Oh, AND I have a deleted scene that I rather like. It's from the first counseling session, just a little bit of Donna and Adam's exchange as they attempt to "interview" one another.

“So what’s your favorite color?” 

“Really, McKinnon? My favorite color? That’s where we’re at?” 

“Well, you won’t answer any of my other questions,” Adam pointed out. “Except the ones I already know the answers to, and not even all of those.” 

“Well,” replied Donna coolly, “I hope you never work for The Prophet, because you’re a rubbish interviewer.” 

“Hey, you were the one who asked to be my partner.” 

“Well I didn’t want to talk to someone I don’t know.” 

“That’s the whole point of this exercise.” 

Donna sent him a look. “Do I look like I care about the point of this exercise?” 

“No.”  

“Good. I like to be very upfront about my feelings of hatred.” 

“I’ve noticed that.” 

Donna rolled her eyes. “Actually, I’m a little surprised you’re not partnered up with your little girlfriend.” 

“My girlfriend?” Adam echoed, confused. “My girlfriend’s a sixth year. She’s not even here.”  

Bewildered, Donna frowned. “Wait a minute—isn’t that your girlfriend?” She pointed to a petite Hufflepuff girl across the room. Adam snorted and shook his head. 

“No. I’m dating Prudence Daly.” 

“And that’s not Prudence Bl... Daly.”  

“Er... no.”  

“Oh.” Donna shrugged. 

“You’ve met Prudence...” 

“Tiny, brunette... that’s all that really springs to mind...” 

“Maybe it’s a good thing you’re interviewing me,” said Adam. “I don’t actually think you know anything about me.” 

“You’re a Ravenclaw, right?” Adam blinked disbelievingly. “Joking.”  

“Well I can never be sure with you. You walk the fine line between intelligent and completely ignorant.” 

 “Proudly. Anyway, I think that covers my portion of the interview,” Donna concluded cheerfully. 

“How do you figure that? All you’ve established is that I’m a Gryffindor and not dating that girl.” 

“You reckon Keepdown will want more than that?” 

“Probably a bit.” 

“Alright. What’s your favorite color?”

I probably have more to say. IDK. I'm half dead right now. I could be accidentally typing this in Latin, in which case, props to me because I did not know my Latin was this good, but also, sorry, you have no fucking  clue what I'm on about.

At any rate, once I get home from work tomorrow, assuming I'm not actually dead at that point, I will speak to you all again, and hopefully I'll be more of an 11th Doctor than a 6th. 

Love and cookies and sleep,
Jules

P.S. I'm probably overstating how much I hate the chapter. Honestly, it's 4 a.m. I'm overstating everything. Except how much I love and adore ye all, of course. You're amazing and glorious.

“I don’t think so,” the Head Boy bit back. “I think I’m just going to storm away now, so that you can really grasp how unfathomably furious I am with you at the moment."

“Second guessing the Quaffle decision?” asked Sirius.

“Second guessing the future of the human race, is more like it.”

“I’m going to have to side with Prongs on this one,” said Remus. “That wasn’t Carlotta’s fault.”

“I don’t know whose fault it was,” Peter added. “But before today, I would have imagined that a cat fight would be a lot more..."

“Hot?” suggested Sirius.

So...

Potato will gloat, but I'm really feeling like the update will probably be tomorrow instead of today. I have to go to work now, and so... yeah. HOWEVER, you can now be distracted from your rage with me by a shiny excerpt!

“She said I was impolite!”

“She said I was stringing someone along!”

“She jumps on every little thing you say and doesn’t let you explain it!”

“She attacks you!”

“Without warning!”

“Completely unjustly!”

“And it smells like dying rodents in that office!”

3/30

This moment calls for an excerpt.

“What a bitch!” exclaimed Ravenclaw Valerie Turpin, handing Shelley Mumps a handkerchief, but not really looking at the blonde, whose hands concealed most of her face. This changed when Shelley took the handkerchief and used it instead to conceal her flushed cheeks. 

 They stood in the girls’ lavatory off the fourth floor, and Valerie had been touching up her lipstick when an ostensibly distraught Shelley entered, five minutes earlier. Now that the Gryffindor’s story was told, Valerie picked up her forgotten make up and turned towards the glass over the tap again. 

 “You can’t just let Carlotta get away with this!” Valerie ranted on, delicately applying the creamy pink wax over her lips. “Girls do not steal their friends’ crushes!” 

 Shelley finished wiping her (dry) eyes and set down the handkerchief on the side of the sink. Valerie was now smacking her lips together, vision fixed upon her reflection, and she did not notice her companion’s face at all. 

 “But what could I possibly do?” Shelley asked carefully. “I mean—she’s Carlotta Meloni. She gets away with everything..."

A Very (James) Potter Post

James picture above. 

James music below.

And three (tiny) James excerpts:

A very happy James Potter day to all!

I

“Oh, and will you please explain to me who this Cinderella bird is and why it is that she’s ruining my life?”

II

“Would you prefer I invent an inexplicable nickname for you?” Lily replied, half exasperated.

“It would certainly feel a little less circa-fifth-year.”

III

"Well, frankly, fuck them!" said James impatiently.

Non-Spoilers, Chapter 31

There are a lot of new people on the blog, so for those of you not familiar with the concept of Non-Spoilers, I shall endeavor to explain. Once upon a time--like, Chapter 28, I think?--I was a spoiler ho, and someone was like, "Srsly, Jules?" Can't you just post not MAJORLY IMPORTANT THINGS?! And I was like: K. So I started posting random true things about the chapter that are either not important at all or have no immediately obvious importance: non-spoiler spoilers. And here we go:


There is a recurring couch.

Lily takes a shower.

Sirius trips on a step.

Remus and Peter study in the library.

Patronus forms are discussed.

Mulciber is psychotic.

Lily is....

Lol, not really, but she'll have one of those moments, where if she had any concept of that particular meme, she would use it.

Oh, and tentative song title:
“Everybody’s Trying to Be My Baby”

All the prizes to Kayla for making this. All of them.

"Car, don't be thick. Potter'll never find out."

-Chapter 31

St. Patrick's Day Excerpt

James sighed, embarrassed. “I didn’t—I didn’t realize why you were angry with me about Carlotta. I thought... I mean, I... just didn’t... get it. But now I do.”

 Her heart pounded in her chest. “D-do you?

He knew. Oh God, he knew. How could he know? Had someone guessed and told him? Had he heard her shout at Shelley and Carlotta and interpreted elements of it that might have given her away? What had he heard? What had she said? Oh God.

3/15

So she may or may not (but definitely did) have feelings for James Sodding Potter, and he may or may not (but definitely did) have a girlfriend, who may or may not have been (but definitely was) the loveliest girl in the entire school. So what? Worst things had happened. Much worse things. She would survive. She would thrive. She would be Hogwarts’ best Head Girl since ever.
 She would be taking forty-five minute showers all year, without having Donna bitch at her to hurry up. 

Life was okay. 

3/9

“Lily Evans, you are a vision.”
 Sirius dropped into the vacant desk beside Lily’s, and she rolled her eyes but didn’t really mean it.
 “Good morning, Sirius.”
 “And how are you on this glorious dawning of a new day?”
 Lily shrugged. “Why aren’t you sitting with your mates?” She nodded vaguely towards James across the room, but did not quite look at the Head Boy, because he was holding Carlotta’s hand.
 “Meloni is disrupting my equilibrium,” replied Sirius casually.
 “Your equilibrium?”
 “My Zen, if you will.”
 “You have Zen?”
 “I am Zen.”
 “Do you know what ‘Zen’ is?”
 “Not anymore, I don’t. Carlotta disrupted it all away.”
 “Do you know what ‘disrupted’ is?”
 “Your nit-picking is doing a number on the little Zen I have left, Snitch.”
 “I thought Carlotta ‘disrupted it all away,’ and why did you call me a snitch?”

3/7/11

All this Marauder talk, and the fact that I'm writing TLAT for the first time in days, has got me in a mood for an excerpt. Just a little one, though.

Sirius did not know where James had gotten to, for the Head Boy’s dormitory had been empty when he had gone up before making his way down to breakfast, but Remus and Peter were already in the Great Hall, and it occurred to Sirius that walking to the first meal of the day alone might now be a standard occurrence for him. The thought was not a happy one.

Also, you might like to know that I just finished writing a scene that has my shipper heart beating wildly. 


Love,
Jules


EDIT

For E.J.

Chapter 30 Deleted Scene

The Dormitory Fight from Carlotta's perspective, deleted from the chapter because 100 PAGES!

“I’m sorry, Shelley,” sighed an appeasing Lily. “Mary’s not... I mean... I know you didn’t know she was with Stebbins...”
 Fear gripped at Carlotta again and prompted her to speak, too: “Of course she didn’t know. Shelley wouldn’t—Shelley wouldn’t intentionally try to snog another girl’s boyfriend... would you, Shell?”
 It hadn’t been intended to sound like such a leading question, and yet, Carlotta’s words caused something in Shelley to snap. The blonde turned towards her, spite in her eyes.
 “Not like you,” she said, temper flaring up unexpectedly. “You would do it—you have done it, without blinking an eye.”
 “Shell...” Carlotta began uncertainly, but her friend interrupted.
 “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT!” Shelley roared, catching everyone off guard. “HOW COULD YOU? You knew! You’ve always known that I was in love with him, and you just—did you even care?!”
 And there it was—the reproach that Carlotta had dreaded... had thought she’d avoided... here it was after all.
 “You... you never... said anything to him...”
 “That shouldn’t have mattered to you!” Shelley went on. “You were supposed to be my best friend, but you—you didn’t really care about my feelings at all! You knew, and you went ahead anyway!”
 Supposed to be her best friend. “I didn’t mean to hurt you...”
 “Of course you did!” Shelley shrieked. “You don’t care about anyone but yourself! It must have been... it must have been so exciting for you to land James Potter! You must have thought that... that stupid, mousy little Shelley wouldn’t say anything! Like—like in fourth year, when you kissed him... you must have thought I’d stay in line and behave! But I’m not going to! I’m not going to be your stupid little sidekick anymore! I’m done with that! I am done with you!”
 Carlotta attempted to get out the reply she’d prepared... that Shelley had never acted on her crush... she had been contented to sit and long, and Carlotta had only wanted to be happy... But her words sounded desperate and guilty.
 “YOU KNEW!” Shelley raged on. “You knew, and you did it anyway!” She paused to breathe; Carlotta wanted to cry, but did not dare. “But it doesn’t matter...” Shelley continued after a while, and her voice was calm again, “he’s not going to want you for very long.”
 Fear again. “What—what’s that supposed to mean?”
 “Exactly what it sounds like. If you think he’s going to want a girl like you...”
 And, as something had snapped in Shelley, something else snapped in Carlotta. “You think he’s going to want you?” She laughed. Shelley win James Potter away? It was ridiculous. Carlotta didn’t care that her laughter now was cruel... she couldn’t help it. “You think that James Potter is going to pay any attention to you, Shelley? You’ll have to do more than lose a little weight for that to happen...”
 Shelley lunged at Carlotta, but Lily stepped in.
 “Stop it, both of you!” she shouted. “Carlotta, Shelley—you two have to get a grip. He’s just a boy.”
 “He’s not just a boy!” Shelley snapped. “He’s the boy that I’m in love with...”
 “He doesn’t fancy you, Shelley,” retorted Carlotta. “He fancies me."                  
“Not for very long! I listened to every story you ever told me, Carlotta! I know all of the awful things you’ve done, and those aren’t the qualities that a bloke wants in a girlfriend!”
 “Then why are you trying so hard to be me?” Carlotta shrieked.
 “I don’t want to be you! You would have failed potions last year, if you hadn’t given Robbie Castle a hand job to do your homework for you!”
 “At least I’m not a whining, simpering little fool, who thinks that the only reason her pathetic crush never worked out is because she was ugly! Truth is, Shelley—he wouldn’t have fancied you even if you hadn’t resembled a deformed hippogriff!”
 Shelley gasped, and tried once more to reach Carlotta, unsuccessful yet again due to Lily.
 “I’m serious, stop it,” she snapped.
 “Stay out of this, Lily!” barked Shelley.
 “I’m not going to let you kill each other!”
 “This is none of your business! Stop meddling!”
 Lily deliberated for only a second; Shelley’s words clearly stung her. “Fine. Tear each other’s hair out—see if I care.” Lily moved back. Inexplicably, Carlotta did not want her to leave. Even as she stood there, a combination of guilt and fury surging through her, Carlotta knew that she ought to have been embarrassed, but she did not want that strange, uniquely positioned third party to leave...
 “I just couldn’t believe that you would do that to me,” Shelley muttered, with tears in her eyes. “You knew...”
 “I knew that you fancied a boy whom you had scarcely spoken two words to in six years,” Carlotta interrupted, also tearful. “I knew that he liked me, and he didn’t just want to sleep with me—he liked me.” That had to be explained. Shelley—to whom she had never had to explain anything—needed to understand. “So, yes, I wanted to go out with him.”
 “He didn’t know!” Shelley replied loudly.
 “He didn’t know what? That you would get skinny and be willing to shag him? First of all, you’re not even that skinny.” (This was a particular slap-in-the-face, Carlotta could tell). “Second of all, he’s James Potter! It’s not as though he’s never had options before, okay?” (Didn’t she get it?)
 “I see,” retorted Shelley. “So you’re special are you? Please! The only reason anyone would want to be with you is because you’re a guaranteed slag!”
 “And you’re so much better now? You snogged Mary’s boyfriend!”
 “So what? It’s not like Mary MacDonald isn’t going to find another boyfriend!”
 “You are such a pathetic hypocrite!”
 “You’re a whoring slag!”
 “You’re...”
 “SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!” Lily interrupted suddenly, louder than the other two and bringing them to silence. “You’re both wrong! Neither of you have the moral high ground anymore, okay? And y-y-you’re standing here, arguing, like a couple of idiots over something that is so—so—so unfathomably insignificant that I can barely handle knowing that two supposedly intelligent seventeen-year-old girls care at all!”
 “Well,” began Shelley, “she...”
 “Bloody hell, I don’t care!” Lily went on furiously; “You are both wrong! What part of that don’t you understand? Carlotta...” She turned to the brunette. “What the hell were you doing? You’ve known that your best friend was in love with him since first year—you shouldn’t have kissed him, and you shouldn’t have started dating him! You’re not in love! You did it because you wanted to, and because for whatever reason, you are incapable of understanding that you can’t do every single thing you want to do! If you didn’t have to act on every single whim that you have, your best, and—might I add—practically only friend wouldn’t be standing here shouting at you!”
 Carlotta dropped her gaze, more embarrassed. For a second, Shelley looked triumphant.
 “And you!” Lily turned to the blonde. “You’re not much better! For someone who worships and adores the bloke, you don’t seem to have a very high opinion of James! You’re going to, what? Have a long, fulfilling relationship—get married, have babies, and live in his big, fancy house—based on your trying to seduce him away from his girlfriend?! How is that possibly a good idea?! And, oh my Merlin, don’t even get started on Stebbins! I hate to say it, but Carlotta has a point! How can you stand there calling her a whore, when everything from your practically orange lipstick to the fact that you just uttered the sentence, ‘Mary MacDonald will find another boyfriend,’ makes you just as bad!”
 “I...”
 “NO! No, no, NO! I am talking now! The both of you need to get your acts together right now! I am done caring if Carlotta is seeing the bloke that you fancy, Shelley, or if Shelley is trying to sit on your boyfriend’s lap, Carlotta. Whatever. But all of this whore-calling, and shouting, and making this dormitory miserable, and... and... snogging my friend’s boyfriend to prove a point to each other—all of that ends now!” Carlotta attempted to speak, but Lily cut her off again, “And... before either of you say that this is none of my business, I am going to spare you the risk of getting hexed out that window: this is my business, because I’m supposed to have my own room tonight, and yet now, I get to spend the evening agreeing to repetitive statements about what a git Stebbins is! And, also, because the two of you are insults to the very word ‘friendship’ with how you’re behaving! AND, also, because I’m Head Girl, and there’s NO SHOUTING ALLOWED IN THE DORMITORIES!”
 She finished her speech.
 Shelley and Carlotta did not speak.
 At some point—Carlotta had no idea when—Donna had entered the dormitory from the bath, dripping wet from her shower and clothed in a bathrobe. She looked from Lily to Carlotta to Shelley, utterly bewildered.
 No one said a word. It was funny, that now, with her best friend breathing heavily and loathing her with every fiber of her existence, Carlotta should regard Lily. She looked a strange combination of tired and furious and hurt. As a result, when Carlotta broke the silence, she was uncertain as to whom she spoke: “I’m sorry.”
 Shelley interpreted the apology as her own, however. “I hate you,” she replied bitterly.
 And that stung, too.
 Carlotta looked between the other two actors in this little scene: Lily and Shelley. Shelley looked resentful and hurt and wronged. She looked angry and sad and tired, and there were tears in her eyes. But Lily—Lily was in pain, too.

And because you're all such sweethearts, here's a nice little Chapter 31 excerpt.

 “Lily,” began Remus quietly, “do you—do you fancy James?”

Love,
Jules

That awkward moment when you have no one to geek out about a fandom with...

unless you want to text your ex.

EDIT:

Have a Chapter 31 excerpt, why don't you?

“It must have been very difficult for you—losing your uncle...”
 “We weren’t that close. I’m not close with my family.”
 “No?”
 “Nope. Well, it’s my fault, really,” said Sirius, and the bitterness crept through. “I’m just too sensitive. I mean, I get kicked out and disowned once, and stubborn, unreasonable me can’t find it in him to send a Christmas card.”

Questions, Chapters 30/31

How can James possibly not get the picture now?! SHE WAS ANGRY! DUH?!?! (Jewels paraphrasing)

For about twenty minutes, I think James was seriously considering the possibility that Lily was jealous. Then, Carlotta tells him about Shelley, and he begins to think that maybe that--combined with the whole NOT TELLING thing--was what pissed Lily off.
 "I suppose that explains a few things..." "Unexpected reactions..." etc.
I know we didn't really get into James's POV, which is sad, but there will be more from him in Chapter 31. And, for those of you furious with him right now, he's going to try to... square himself with everyone.

Why is Carlotta being so un-Carlotta-y? (Not being her usual carefree self)
Because she's in an un-Carlotta-y situation. More on that later.

Will Lily and Sirius get their chat?
I would say so.

More Sirius?
Sirius gets ANGST in the next chapter! I LOVE SIRIUS ANGST! Because, of course, he did sort of almost kill a guy at the end of last year, and there might be some lingering consequences. But he'll also be bonding and nicknaming and just being his wonderful cuddly self.
James also gets non-girl related angst! YAY! Which only adds to his girl related drama, which is going to be a  bit of a handful.

What's Shelley's plan?
Carlotta delenda est.

WTF, Stebbins?
A bit more an explanation on this in the future. Although, I should note that the train hook up was not intended to be the first between Mary and Stebbins.

"I was wondering how you constructed this chapter? Did you think of where everyone was an then piece it together, or did you start from one POV and then weave everyone else's throughout?"
-Off Dreaming


This whole chapter was built in my head around the platform scene. I wanted Lily to realize that she fancies James on Platform Nine and Three Quarters, JUST BEFORE she finds out about Carlotta. But I also wanted that to be at the end of the chapter, since it's kind of the dramatic high point, even though it, logically, should go right at the beginning. My original plan was to write the chapter backwards, beginning with the girls lamenting their terrible day in the dormitory, and then going back to Lily and James in the corridor after the Head meeting, and then back to the Head meeting, and then to supper, etc... "Memento" style. But that wouldn't work unless I ONLY wrote the Lily/James storyline. I wouldn't be able to do any of the other stories that needed to be done in this chapter.
So I sorted out everything that needed to happen in this chapter for each character. All of the threads were written in different documents, and basically I just wrote the story five different ways. But then some stuff got a little tricky--I couldn't remember where I had put Shelley or at what points what compartments were vacant... so I made the timeline that appears in the post below. Basically, I took five stories and stapled wove them together. 


Will James's relationship with Lily be different now that he is with Carlotta?
Yes. It was already a LITTLE different in Chapters 28 and 29, but the severity of James's less suggestive (even less teasing) self was diminished by the fact that I'm pretty sure they were eye-fucking that whole day. So how much will James change towards Lily in light of puppy killing? Somewhat. But the unresolved sexual tension is still there, and that's sticking around.


Will James as half of James/Lily be different than James as half of the puppy killers?
Sure. Being with Lily would mean something completely different to James than being with Carlotta.


What's your tumblr?
itatemyhand.tumblr.com
(never saw that coming, did ya?!)


Who do you relate most to?
Lol, all of them. Okay, that's not a very good answer. I just felt very close to Lily this chapter for some reason, but also Donna, because I just KNOW people like Charlie Plex and I want to strangle them. 
I actually really related to Marlene, though, because about a week after I wrote the Marlene/Carlotta convo, I found myself in a very similar situation... having someone for whom I don't have a lot of respect (who may or may not be the Icarus Frop inspiration, AHEM) baring his soul and looking for advice. And you can't be like, "You're better than this," because... they're not. It's really difficult trying to be honest, nice, and helpful, when a total misogynist is claiming that he was the sweetest boyfriend in the world, and it's just not faaaair that this girl dumped him.  




So... what can you tell us about Chapter 31?


Lily is getting a pen pal.


Donna will invent new and creative ways to avoid talking to Madam Keepdown.


Remus will ask his question from the train. 


Dumbledore approves of ships that don't kill puppies.






Love,
Jules